I just made out with a guy for $7.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
