I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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