I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
