just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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