Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
