She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
