wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
