Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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