i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
