Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
She has the best kind of daddy issues
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
