It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
where are you?
Hypothermia
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
