I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
