look no pants
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
