I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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