you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
