..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
