i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Randomize
