Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Ladies don't puke and tell
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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