She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
