Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
