you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
