some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
