i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
