She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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