it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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