Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
