My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
