You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
