tequila makes me forget i have legs
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
