Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
