it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
