i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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