At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
And then he peed in my hair
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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