Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
