At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
