you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I can text with my tongue
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
