Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
