Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
