I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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