And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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