Define "chronic" masturbator.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
We smell like vodka and hangover
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