Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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