my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
