you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
