She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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