It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
