so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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