Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You pole danced in your parka.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
