Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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