Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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