I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
