Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
