i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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