A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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