I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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