i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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