New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
