her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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