is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
